Well, I'll be 9 weeks tomorrow. 

I've had 2 dreams now that its a girl- probably because DH thinks it is (although he says once the baby develops bits he may change his mind). In one dream we named her Anna, and in another we named her something really weird...I cant remember what. 

Since I've been pg I'd had many more dreams that people are either hurting my children and I cant stop them, or that the children are with sometime safe enough (temporary care, like a sitter or at school) and I can't get to them. Last night I had a dream I had the baby in the US, but then we took a trip back to Canada without her and the border guards wouldnt let us back over the border. Things like that, or other actual nightmares, and I wake up in a panic. 

DH is sick right now, and I am either feeling 70% ok or are 100% incapacitated. Poor Ben is pretty bored this weekend with both of us feeling unwell, and Im pretty sure hes lonely during the week because DH is at work til after hes in bed, and I'm in bed from the time he gets home from school til dinner and then bed time. I pull him into bed with me to read books and snuggle, but its been really hard to be so sick all the time. Im just praying it lets up very soon so I can get back to being a mom. I cant imagine doing this with small children at home! Ben is 8 so he is happy to play on his own and I can sleep, but its not like you could leave your 2 year old alone to play while you sleep...I guess next baby (after this one) I'll have to do some planning for... even now though Im starting to think about the lack of sleep Im going to get for the next few years, and its making me very nervous. Ben gets up on his on own weekends, and weekdays its 7:30...I think about getting him up to get to school when the baby finally got to sleep at 6am after a long night...I guess this makes me the most nervous because Im so tired right now and Im picturing getting up at night/early mornings in addition to feeling this tired, which isnt the case really...Im just exhausted from hormones (right?!) 

I told my team at work, who are apparently terrible at keeping secrets, so the rest of my office (of about 30 people) is slowly finding out. I dont feel too nervous about m/c at this point because the Dr told us its -5% now that we've seen perfect growth and a h/b, but I worry anyway... honestly I just want to get to the point where Im past 12 weeks and actually start showing. My pants dont fit now with the exception of 2 pair that used to be too big, even though most morning I'm not very bloated anymore. I'm really looking forward to the 2nd trimester (the promised land!) where I'm less tired and sick. 

thats it for now- Im off to do groceries, which is painful, since everything food related makes me want to barf. i never thought I wouldn't love buying groceries one day!  Either way, its all worth it, and I'm thrilled to be preggers- I just forgot how hard it was! 

lol

I feel like I cant go anywhere. I feel so nauseous and tired all the time, and when I dont for the short reprieves I get I dont want to go out. I know when I get out I'll just want to be home because I'll feel sick while out and everything smells so badly! I really need some maternity pants, and Im off work today, but I cant bring myself to go shopping (and I love shopping!)

I am thrilled to be pregnant and wouldnt trade this for not being pregnant, but I forgot how hard it was. I thought with the zofran I would be totally nausea free and just tired but that hasnt been the case. I forgot you dont get a break! Im 8w today, and am counting the seconds until my 2nd trimester. With Ben I was throwing up into my 5th month, and Im very worried Im going to be this sick for another 3 months. 

7w4d ultrasound

Todays ultrasound was great- the dates are just right and between our 6w u/s and this one everything is growing exactly right. DH got to see the heartbeat too, and the tech explained the baby has arm and leg buds, so DH nicknamed it stumpy  

She said that the miscarriage rate is now less than 5% since we've seen perfect growth and a heartbeat. yay!!

Im exhausted and horribly, horribly nauseous- even with the zofran. The doubled my dose from 4mg to 8mg and Im still feeling horrible. Im thrilled to be pregnant, but this feeling is nonstop and is hard for both DH and I to cope with. I cant wait until my 2nd trimester, although with Ben I was sick into my 5th month so Im a little nervous. 

Thats it for now- Im off to bed!

So my ultrasound went well, the discomfort I was having was from 2 cysts on my ovary, but I was told they would go away. Little bean is measuring right on track, and the Dr said she though the flicking she saw was more than likely a heartbeat.

Because Im a worry wort!

So, because I worry like crazy about everything, I called my OB this morning. Im having some pain on 1 side- its not severe, but its constant, and this morning my symptoms were almost nonexistent plus the beginnings of a migraine. She said its likely nothing but to come in just to be sure, so Im going in an hour for an u/s. 

Im still feeling positive that everything is fine and Im just a worry wort, and Ill feel much better after the u/s. 

Will post it up if I get to take a pic home. 

Sunday

So the folks at immigration DID renew my visa! Yay! The officer managed to spill Coke on my degree through... he apologized and offered to give me a claim form to have them pay for a replacement, but it was mostly on the back so I said not to worry (plus he hadn't granted my visa yet so I didn't want to say ok...).  

Bens soccer game went well- they lost 12-1 and scored on their own net though! that ok- Ben was focused and actually played well. Im really happy we found a sport he isn't god-awful terrible at- I think sports are good for kids but if he doesn't enjoy it we wont do it. He seems to enjoy soccer and isn't bad at it, so as long as he is happy we will keep doing it. 

Being on a cold field at 9am sucks, especially since it will go through November and I cant even bring coffee! I will have to switch to hot chocolate or something :) 

Heading to the motherland

Its that magic time of year again, no- not Christmas- time to visit the lovely folks at Customs and Border Protection to plea my case for them to renew my visa. If they decide not to I can come in on my husbands visa, but I'm not allowed to work and will have to quit my job, which I dont want to go. Arguably I'm be quitting in April (assuming this bean sticks) anyway, but thats 7.5 months of work I would like to do. I like my job and have great coworkers, and would be pretty bored and lonely at home.  The flip side is that I could sleep all day and go to yoga classes and get ready for the bean, which would be nice too, but I'd rather just quit a bit early and sleep then... *yawn* Speaking of- omg Im exhausted. For some reason the folks who schedule soccer games though 9am on a Saturday was ok somehow! WTF?? So Im sitting here at 8am with my protein drink resenting going to Bens first soccer game. If he was still asleep I might have said forget it, but he is awake and happy and hyper so we will go. More than anything its hard to socialize with the other moms when I feel like crap- sports parents and a strange breed...

I have nothing from when Ben was a baby to pass on to this one- not a single thing. Everything I had 2nd or 3rd hand except his car seat, which has since expired and I donated it forever ago. I made a wish-list on some online stores of the things we need- if we buy everything brand new we're looking at like 3,000$. Nursery furniture is 1,000 of that, so I might shop elsewhere or find something second hand...Im thinking I will do some new and some consignment. Christmas comes at a good time though, I'll be something like 21 weeks by then so we will hopefully know the gender. I'm going to ask DH to just have us buy baby gear instead of the usual hoards of gifts we buy each other. Frankly I'd much rather have that. Fortunately we're budgeting and considering the cost already, so we will be able to manage it regardless. I just forgot how much stuff we need! I see now too how helpful showers really are for new moms!!